Chap. viii. :  HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FOUND HIS SECOND MARRIAGE TURN OUT, AND HOW HE MET WITH HIS DAD AND LEARNED WHO HIS PARENTS HAD BEEN

    So I made fine preparation for the wedding for all seemed rose-colour to me.  Not only did I buy up the whole farm whereon my bride had been born, but began also a fine new building besides, as if I would rather keep court than keep house: and before the wedding was over I had already more than thirty head of cattle on the farm; for so many could it maintain all the year round: in a word, I had the best of everything and such fine household plenishing as only folly like mine could devise.  But soon I must whistle to a different tune, for I found my bride too knowing; and now, all too late, was I ware of the cause why she had bee so loath to take me: and what vexed me most was that I could tell to no man my silly plight.  I knew well enough that ‘twas reasonable I must pay the piper; yet the knowledge made me not more patient, still less better in life; nay, rather I thought to betray the traitress, and so began to go a-grazing where I could find pasture: which kept me rather in good company at the spa than at home, and for a year at least I left my housekeeping to take care of itself.  And for her part my wife was as slovenly as I: an ox that I had had slaughtered for household use she salted in baskets like pork, and when she was to prepare a sucking-pig for me she tried to pluck it like a fowl: yea. She would cook crayfish with a roasting-jack and trout on a spit: from which examples a man may judge what manner of housewife I found her: and withal she would drink freely of the good wine and share it with her good friends: and that was a sign of my coming disasters.

    Now it fell out that as I was walking down the valley with some fops¹  of the spa to visit a company at the lower baths, there met us an old peasant with a goat on a string, that he wished to sell, and because me thought I had seen him before, I asked whence he came with his goat.  At which he doffed his cap and “Your worship,” says he, “that I may not tell you.”  “How,” said I, “surely thou hast not stolen the beast?”  “Nay,” answered the peasant, “but I bring him from a village there in the valley, the which I may not mention to your worship in the presence of a goat” *^A which caused my company to laugh, and because I changed colour they deemed I was vexed or ashamed that the peasant did answer me so neatly.  Yet my thoughts were otherwise, for by the great wart that this peasant had, like an unicorn, in the middle of his forehead, I was assured ‘twas my dad from the Spessart, and so would first play the conjurer before I would make myself known and delight him with so fine a son as my clothes shewed me to be.  So I said to him, “Good father, is not your home in the Spessart?”  “Yes your worship,” says he.  “Then,” said I, “did ye not some eighteen year agone have your house and farm plundered and burnt by troopers?”  “Yea, God-a-mercy,”:  but I asked him further, “Did ye not, then, have two children, a grown daughter and a young lad that kept your sheep?”  ‘Nay, your worship,” says my dad, “the daughter was my child but not the boy:  yet would I bring him up as mine own.”  And by that I understood I was no son of this rough yokel: and that in part rejoiced me yet again troubled me, for I thought now I must be some bastard or foundling, and therefore asked my dad how he had come by the said boy or what reason he had had to rear him as his own.  “Ah,” says he, “I had strange luck with him: by war I got him and by war I lost him.”

    But now being afeared lest some fact should come to light that would disgrace my birth, I turned the discourse upon the goat again and asked if he had sold it to the hostess for cooking, which would seem strange to me as knowing that her guests used not to eat old goat’s flesh.  But “Nay, your worship,” quoth the peasant, “the hostess hath goats enow and will pay naught for such: I do bring her for the countess that is at the spa to bathe.  For Doctor Busybody hath ordered certain herbs for this goat to eat: and the milk that she gives therefrom the doctor taketh to make a medicine for the countess, that is to drink the milk and so be cured: for they say the countess hath no stomach, and if the goat help her “twill do more than the doctor and all his sawbones together.”  While he thus talked I considered how I might have further speech with him, and so offered him for the goat a dollar more than the doctor or the countess would give: to which he readily agreed (for small gain will easily turn folk), yet on condition he should first tell the countess that I had bid a thaler² more: and if she would give as much she should have the preference: if not, he would bring me the goat and would in the evening let me know how the business stood.  With that my dad went his way and I, with my company, ours: yet could I and would I not stay longer with them, but turned me back and went where I found my dad again: who still had his goat, for others would not give so much as I: which, for so rich people, did amaze me, yet made me not more niggardly: for I took him to my new-bought farm and paid him for his goat, and when I had him half-foxed I asked of him whence came the lad to him of whom we spoke to-day.  “Ah, your worship,” says he, “the Mansfeld war brought him to me and the Nördlingen battle took him away again.”  “And that,” quoth I, “must be a merry story,” and so I begged him, since we had naught else to talk of, to tell it me to pass the time.

    With that he began, and says he, “When Mansfeld³*^B lost the battle at Höchst, his people were scattered abroad as not knowing wither to flee: of whom many came into the Spessart, seeking woods wherein to hide them: but though they had escaped death on the plains they found it in the hills: for since both parties thought it their right to plunder and murder one another on our lands, we peasants would have a finger in their pie too.  So 'twas but seldom that a farmer would go into his woods without a musquet, for we could not bide at home with our hoes and ploughs.  And in this wild business did I light upon a fair young lady mounted on a goodly horse, in a savage and lonesome wood, yet not far from my farm: and just before, I had heard shots fired: and at first I took her for a man, for she rode like such: yet when I saw her raise hands and eyes to heaven and in a pitiful voice, though in a strange tongue, cry aloud to God, I lowered my gun, with which I would have fired upon her, and uncocked it; for her cries and actions did well assure me ‘twas a woman, and one in trouble withal.  So we drew near to each other, and when she saw me, “Ah,” says she, “if ye be a Christian and an honest man, I pray you for God and His mercy, yea, and for that Last Judgement before which we must all give count of our deeds and misdeeds, to bring me to some married woman that with God’s help may deliver me of my burden!”  Which words, as being of such import, together with the gentle speech and the troubled, yet fair and kind face of the poor lady, did compel me to such pity that I took her horse by the bridle and led her over bush and brier to the thickest part of the wood whither I had brought my wife, my child, my people, and my cattle for refuge: and there within half an hour was she delivered of that young boy of whom we did discourse to-day.”

    With that my dad finished his story and his glass: for I was no niggard of my wine for him: and when he had emptied it I asked him how it fared thereafter with the lady: to which he answered thus: “When she was delivered she begged me to be godfather, and to bring the child to baptism as soon as might be, and told me her own and her husband’s name that they might be written in the book of Christenings: and then did she open her wallet wherein she had full costly trinkets, and of these gave so many to me, to my wife and child, my maid-servant and to another woman that was by, that we might well be content with her: but even while she did this, and told us of her husband she died under our hands, having first commended the child to us.  But since the tumult in the land was then so great that none could abide in his own house, we had much trouble to come by a clergyman that should baptize the child and attend the funeral.  Yet both being done, ‘twas commanded me by our burgomaster⁴ and our priest that I should rear the child till ‘twas grown, and for my trouble and cost should keep all the lady’s property save a few rosaries and precious stones and jewellery, which I should keep for the child.  So my wife did nourish the babe with goat’s milk, and we loved the lad, and did think when he should be grown up to give him our daughter to wife: but after the battle at Nördlingen did I lose both boy and girl and all that I possessed.”

    “Now,” says I to my dad, “ye have told me a pretty tale enough and yet forgot the best part: for ye have not told me the name of the lady or her husband or the child.”  “Your honour,” he answered, “I thought not ye desired to know it: but the lady’s name was Susanna Ramsay: her husband was Captain Sternfels, of Fuchsheim, and because my name was Melchior did I have the child baptized Melchior Sternfels, of Fuchsheim, and so inscribed in the book.”

    Now from that I knew clearly that I was the true-born son of my hermit and of Governor Ramsay’s sister; but alas!  Far too late, for my parents were both dead, and of my uncle Ramsay could I learn nothing save that the Hanauers had rid themselves of him and his Swedish garrison, whereat he had gone crazy for rage and vexation.  But I treated my godfather well with wine, and next day had his wife fetcht likewise: yet when I declared myself to them, would they not believe it, till I did shew them a black and hairy mole I had upon my breast.

Chap. ix. :  IN WHAT MANNER THE PAINS OF CHILD-BIRTH CAME UPON HIM, AND HOW HE BECAME A WIDOWER

    Not long after this I did take my godfather with me, and ride into the Spessart to get certain news and certificate of my descent and noble birth; which I gat without difficulty from the book of baptisms and my godfather’s witness:  and presently thereafter visited the priest that had dwelt at Hanau⁵ and had taken care of me:  which gave me a writing to declare where my late father had died, and that I had abode with him to his death and thereafter for a long time with Master Ramsay, the commandant at Hanau, under the name of Simplicissimus: yea, I had an instrument containing my whole history drawn up by a notary out of the mouth of witnesses; for I thought, “Who knoweth when thou wilt have need of it?”  And this journey did cost me 400 thalers, for on my return I was captured by a party, dismounted, and plundered so that I and my dad or godfather came off naked and hardly with our lives.

    Meanwhile things went ill at home: for as soon as my wife knew her husband was a nobleman she not only did play the great lady, but did neglect all house-keeping; which I bore in silence because she was big with child: moreover, misfortune came on my cattle and robbed me of my chiefest and best: all which ‘twould have been possible to endure, but O Gemini!  Misfortunes came not singly: for even then while my wife was delivered, the maid was brought to bed likewise, and the child she bore was indeed like to me, but that which my wife had was so like to the farm-servant as it had been cut on the pattern of his face.  Nay, more!  For the lady of whom I writ above did in the same night cause one to be laid at my door with notice in writing that I was the father; and so did I get a family of three at once, and could not but expect that others would creep out of every corner, which caused me not a few grey hairs.  But so will it fare with whoever doth follow his own bestial lusts in such a godless and wicked way of life as I had led.

    And now what to do!  I must have baptism and be soundly punished by the magistrate: and the government being then Swedish, and I an old soldier of the emperor, the score was the heavier to pay: all which was but the preface to my complete ruination the second time.  And although all these manifold disasters did greatly trouble me, yet my wife contrariwise took all lightly; yea, did mock at me day and night about the fine treasure that had been laid at my door and for which I had paid so dearly: yet had she but known how ‘twas with me and the maid she would have plagued me yet worse: but that good creature was so complacent as to let herself be persuaded with as much money as I should other ways have been fined for her sake, to swear her child to a fop that had at times visited me the year before and had been at the wedding, but whom otherwise she knew not.  Yet must she go a-packing, for my wife did suspect what I thought of her and the farm-servant, yet dared not hint thereat: for else had I proved to her that I could not at once be with her and with the maid.  Yet all the while I was tormented with the thought that I must rear a child for my servant, and mine own sons should not be my heirs, and yet must I hold my peace and be glad that none else knew of it: and with such thoughts did I daily torment myself, while my wife revelled every hour in wine; for since our marriage she had so used herself to the bottle that ‘twas seldom away from her mouth, and she herself scarce went to bed any night but half-drunk: but which means she robbed her child of its nourishment and so inflamed her inward parts that soon after they fell out, and so made me a widower the second time, which went so to my heart that I wellnigh laughed myself into a sickness.

Chap. x. :  RELATION OF CERTAIN PEASANTS CONCERNING THE WONDERFUL MUMMELSEE

    So now did I find myself restored to mine ancient freedom, but with a purse pretty well emptied of gold, and yet a great household over-burdened with cattle and servants.  Therefore I took my foster-father Melchior to be as my father, and my foster-mother, his wife, to be my mother, and young bastard Simplicissimus that had been laid at my door I made my heir, and handed over to these two old people house and farm, together with all my property save a few yellow-boys and jewels that I had saved and kept hidden to meet extreme need: for now had I conceived such a loathing for the company and society of all women that I had determined, having fared so ill with them, never to marry again.  So this old couple, which in matters rustic could hardly meet their likes for skill, presently arranged my housekeeping in different fashion.  For they got rid of such cattle and servants as were of no use, and in their place had for the farm such as would bring profit. So my old dad and my mammy bade me be of good cheer, and promised if I would let them manage all to keep me ever a good horse in the stable and myself so well furnished that I could now and then drink my measure of wine with an honest companion.  And presently I was ware of what manner of people now managed my estate: for my foster-father with the labourers tilled the ground, and bargained for cattle and wood and resin sharper than any Jew, while his wife gave herself to cattle-breeding and contrived to save the milk-penny and keep it better than ten such wives as I had had.  In such wise my farmyard was in short space furnished with all needful implements and cattle small and great, so that soon ‘twas esteemed one of the best in that country-side: and I meanwhile took my walks abroad and gave myself up to contemplations, for when I saw how my foster-mother earned more by her bees alone, in wax and honey, than my wife had gained from cattle, swine, and all the rest together, I could well conceive that in other matter she would not be caught napping.
    Now it happened on a time that I took my walk in the spa, more for the sake of my draught of fresh water than, according to my former usage, to make acquaintance with the fops: for I had begun to imitated the thriftiness of my parents, who counselled me I should not much consort with folk that so wantonly wasted their own and their father’s goods.  Yet I joined myself to a company of men of moderate rank who even then were in discourse concerning a strange matter, namely, of the Mummelsee, which said they was bottomless, and which was situate on one of the highest mountains near by: and they had sent for several old peasants and would have them to tell all that one and the other had heard of this wondrous lake, to whose stories I hearkened with great delight, though I held them all to be as vain fables as be some of Plinius’s tales.
    For one said if any man should tie up an odd number of things such as peas or pebbles, or what not, in a kerchief, and let it down into the water, presently the number would be even.  And if one should drop in an even number, at once it became odd.  Others, and indeed the most part, declared, and confirmed what they said by exampled, that if a man should throw in one or more stones, however fair the skies might be till then, at once there would be arise a terrible storm with fearful rain, hail and hurricane.  From that they came to all manner of strange histories that had happened there, and what wondrous appearances of earth- and water-spirits had there been seen and how they had talked with mankind.  One told how on a time, as certain herdsmen were keeping cattle by the lake, there arose a brown ox out of the water that mixed with the other cattle, but there followed him a little manikin to drive him back into the lake; who would not obey till the little man had sworn that if he did not come back he should suffer all the ills of human kind.  At which words ox and man again sank into the lake.  Another said it happened at a time when the lake was frozen over that a peasant, with his oxen and sundry trunks of  trees, such as we hew planks out of, passed over the lake without harm; but when his dog would follow him the ice broke, and so the poor beast fell in and was never seen again.  And yet another swore ‘twas solemn truth that a huntsman following in the track of game was passing by the lake, and there saw a water-spirit sitting with a whole lapful of coined money and playing therewith; at whom when he would have shot, the spirit sank into the water, and cried, “Hadst thou but prayed me to help thee in thy trade, I would made thee and thine rich for life.”
    Such and the like tale, which seemed to me all as fables with which we do amuse our children, did I hearken to, and never deemed it possible that there could be such a bottomless lake upon a high mountain.  But there were other peasants, and those old and credible men, that affirmed that within their own and their father’s memory high and princely persons had journeyed to behold the said lake, and that a reigning Duke of Würtemberg had caused a raft to be made, and had put out into the lake thereupon to sound its depth: but after that the measures had already led down nine thread-cables (which is a measure of length better understanded of the peasants’ wives of the Black Forest than of me or any other geometer) with a sinkinglead, and yet had found no bottom, the raft, contrary to the nature of the wood, began to sink, so that they that were upon it must perforce give up their purpose and make all haste to land, and so to this day can be seen the fragments of the raft on the short of the lake, with the arms of Würtemberg and the other matters carved up on the wood for a memorial of this history.  Others called many witnesses to prove that a certain archduke of Austria had desired to drain the lake, but was by many dissuaded and at the petition of the people of the land the plan given up, for fear lest the whole country might be drowned and destroyed.  Furthermore, the said noble princes had caused barrels full of trout to be put into the lake; all of which in less than an hour died before their eyes and floated away through the outlet of the lake, notwithstanding that the stream which flows under the mountain on which the lake lies and through the valley that takes its name therefrom produces by nature such fish, and that the outlet of the lake is into the said stream.

Chap. xi. :  OF THE MARVELLOUS THANKSGIVING OF A PATIENT, AND OF THE HOLY THOUGHTS THEREBY AWAKEND IN SIMPLICISSIMUS

    These last did so affirm what they said that I now began almost entirely to believe them, and they did so move my curiosity that I determined to visit the wondrous lake.  But of those that with me had listened to the whole story one judged one way and another, from which sufficiently appeared their different and contradictory ways of thinking. For my part I said the German name Mummelsee*^C sufficiently declared that there was about the thing, as about a masquerade, some disguise, so that none might fathom either its nature or its depth, which had never yet been discovered, though such high personages had attempted it.  And with that I betook me to the same place where a year before I had seen my departed wife for the first time and drank in the sweet poison of love.  And there I laid myself down on the green grass in the shade, yet took no heed as I had done before to what the nightingales did sing, but rather pondered on the changes I had suffered since then.  I represented to myself how in that very place I had begun to be in place of a free man a slave of love, and how since then I had become from and officer a peasant, from a rich peasant a poor nobleman, from a Simplicissimus a Melchior, from a widower a husband, from a husband to a cuckold, and from a cuckold a widower again; moreover, from a peasant’s brat I had proved to be the son of a good soldier, and yet again the son fo my old dad.  Then again I reflected how fate had robbed me of my Herzbruder, and in his placed had provided me with two old married folk. I thought of the godly life  and decease of my father; the piteous death of my mother; and, further, of the manifold changes which I had undergone in my lifetime, till I could no longer refrain myself from tears.  And even while I reflected how much good money I in my lifetime had possessed and squandered away, and began to lament therefore, there came two good soakers or winebibbers on whom the gout had fastened in their limbs, whereby they were crippled and needed both the baths and to drink the waters: these set themselves down by me, for ‘twas a fair place to rest, and each bewailed to the other his sad case as thinking that they were alone.  So said the one, “My doctor hath sent me here either as one of whose healing he despaired or else as one that with others might help him to repay my host here for the keg of butter he sent him: I would I had either never seen him in my life or else that he had at first sent me to the spa, for so should I either have more money than now or else be sounder, for the waters suit my case right well.”  And “Ah” says the other, “I thank my God that He hath given me no more money to spare than what I have, for had my doctor known that I had more behind he had never counselled me to come to the spa; but I must have shared all between him and his apothecaries, that for this cause do oil his palms year by year-yea, even though I should have died and perished in the meanwhile.  These greedy fellows send not men like us to so healthful a place till they be well assured they can help us no more, or else find us pigeons they can pluck no longer: and if the truth must be confessed, he that once deals with them, and of whom they know that he has money, must pay them only to this end, that they keep him sick.”  And much more evil had these two to say of their doctors, but I care not to tell it all; otherwise might the gentlemen of that profession take it amiss and some time or other give me a dose that should purge my soul out of my body.  Nay, I do but mention it for this cause, because this second patient, in giving thanks to God that He had given him no more wealth, so comforted me that I banished clean out of my mind all vexations and heavy thoughts that had assailed me on the score of money: and I did resolve to strive no more for honour nor gold not for aught else that the world loveth.  Yea, I determined to be a philosopher and to devote myself to a godly life, and in especial to lament mine own impenitence and to endeavour myself, like my dear departed father, to ascend to the highest degree of piety.

Edited by Tim Miller
 
 

¹ Fop was a term, often generically derogatory in nature, used in the literature of the period to describe a wide variety of men.  It was in some senses synonomous with the word fool.  The term was used to criticize many types of men, but the characteristics that the term most often embodied were fairly clear.  The term connoted a man that often displayed an interest in fashion, was a social exhibitionists, and considered himself a "man of taste."
Heilman, Robert B.  "Some Fops and Some Versions of Foppery." JSTOR.  13 Feb. 2002  <http:\\www.jstor.org>

^{2 The thaler was a large silver coin whose use in Germany began around 1520.  Along with most German coinage of the period, it was minted by churches, nobles, and municipalities that were given special rights by the emperor.  This coin dominated the currency of Germany during the 16th and 17th centuries and continued to be used into the 19th century.  After 1870, Germany adopted the gold standard and use of the thaler was discontinued.  The word dollar is derived from the name of this coin.
"coin" Encyclopædia Britannica Online. <http://search.eb.com/bol/topic?eu=108320&sctn=7> [Accessed 13 February 2002].}

^{3  Peter Ernst, Graf von Mansfeld was a German general who lived from 1580 to 1626.  He was a Catholic mercenary who fought on the side of the Protestants during the Thirty Year's War.  During the early years of the war he served the Protestant Union in Bohemia.  By 1623 he had entered the service of the United Provices of the Netherlands.  In his last days Mansfeld made the decision to serve the Venetians but died before he could reach their territory.  Burgomaster is the term used for the mayor or chief magistrate of a city or town in Germany.  In modern Germany a town may have one or more burgomasters, depending on the size of the municipality.  This term is also used in Belgium and The Netherlands.
"Mansfeld, (Peter) Ernst, Graf von" Encyclopædia Britannica Online.  <http://search.eb.com/bol/topic?eu=51848&sctn=1>
[Accessed 13 February 2002].}

^{4  Burgomaster is the term used for the mayor or chief magistrate of a city or town in Germany.  In modern Germany a town may have one or more burgomasters, depending on the size of the municipality.  This term is also used in Belgium and The Netherlands.
"burgomaster" Encyclopædia Britannica Online.  <http://search.eb.com/bol/topic?eu=18418&sctn=1> [Accessed 13 February 2002].}

^{5  Hanau is a city in central Germany on the Main River.  The town was originally founded in 1303 and then refounded by Protestant Dutch and Walloon refugees in 1597.  The city has been a center of trade in jewels since the 16th century.
"Hanau" Encyclopædia Britannica Online.  <http://search.eb.com/bol/topic?eu=39925&sctn=1> [Accessed 13 February 2002].}

*^A The jest is now unintelligible (Goodrick).

*^B It was really Chrisitian of Brunswick, marching to join Mansfeld (Goodrick).

*^C "Goblin" or rather "bogey" lake (Goodrick).